Sentinel Fan Fiction Page || Fanfic -- Missing Scenes Collection

Summary: Blair ponders what he'll do next as he sits in his office. Missing scene for Sentinel Too, Part 1. Angst. Spoilers for Sentinel Too, part 1.

Unbeta'ed.

By What Name...
missing scene for Sentinel Too, Part 1
by Becky
June 2000

Keys jangled quietly in the stillness of the darkened hallway as the office door swung open. A few seconds later, the light switch for the corner lamp was flipped and harsh yellow light spilled over the lone occupant of the room as he shoved the door closed behind him. Blair took several steps toward his desk, then stopped. He looked down at his hand, then lifted it to look at the keys. Light struck them and seemed to reflect more brightly off one particular key -- the key to the loft. He'd forgotten to return it when he'd boxed up his stuff.

Surprised Jim hasn't demanded it back yet. Maybe he's just gonna get the locks changed. Doesn't trust that I don't have a few extras stored elsewhere maybe. His hand tightened over the keys ruthlessly, barely feeling the edges dig into his skin as the echoes of anger and hurt played over and over in his head.

"...I was wrong for not telling you about Alex..."

" ...don't know if I can get past this...real breach of trust...got to have a partner I can trust...what good is all this research doing..."

"...helped you find out who you are..."

"...I don't need you..."

"...you know where to find me..."

Something primal and instinctive snapped inside him and he hurled the set of keys across the room. His anger and frustration burst out of him. "Damnit, damnit, damnit!"

The keys clattered against the shelves and slid down the wall to land in an inconvenient and hard place to reach for later retrieval. Disgusted, Blair flung his hands into the air. "Great. Now you're throwing your own tanty, Sandburg. Aren't we all so mature lately?"

Taking a deep breath and closing his eyes, he ran both hands over his face and pulled his hair back as he tried to force himself into at least of semblance of calm...that faded before even fully materializing. All he could hear was Jim's angry voice and then his own voice replaying in his head...again.

His breath rushed out in a huff of annoyance. "Fine. Work it is."

Moving around to his desk, he yanked out the chair and sat down, staring at the carefully stacked piles of work on his desk. Student papers. A research paper he'd been attempting to work on in between helping Jim with his caseload. His lips twisted into a grimace. Guess I won't have to worry about not having the time to finish that anymore. Jim's made himself very clear on that issue already. I just...

His jaw tightened and he splayed his hands flat on the desk surface. No. You've done all you can, Sandburg. It's all up to Jim now. And he knows it.

A smaller pile of unanswered mail sat to one side, next to his computer monitor. He picked up the top envelope and fingered it. Inside was an invitation to go on a short research trip to the Brazilian rain forest. Unlike the Borneo trip, this trip would only take maybe a month, two months tops, then he'd be back in Cascade again. He'd planned to broach the topic with Jim earlier in the week, but then...Alex showed up and he'd forgotten.

Maybe I should just go. Get away for awhile. Let Jim cool off. He nodded to himself and set the envelope on his keyboard as a reminder to call Dr. Igorivich just as soon as his office opened and tell him yes. Maybe Jim'll be more receptive when I get back. He just needs some space.

His immediate future settled, Blair sat forward in his chair and started moving piles out of the way to give him a workspace. As he moved various books aside, he made a mental note to call some friends about possible storage space for his stuff until he got back. His thoughts stuttered to a halt when he uncovered the Burton text. Pausing, he touched the cover, stroking the faded embossed title softly. Bowing his head, he whispered, "Just remember that a sentinel will always be a sentinel if he chooses to be, Jim." With a sigh, Blair picked up the book and swiveled to put it on the shelf behind him.

He wouldn't have need of it anymore.

Hours later found him caught up in grading, his own filing, and even moving forward on his research paper as the first morning sunlight began creeping through the windows of his office. Outside in the hallway, he could hear campus security making their rounds to open up the buildings and the classrooms inside. Footsteps paused outside his door and he looked up as the door opened to see Officer Gregson peer in curiously.

Blair waved. "Hey. Just me. Decided to get an early start this morning."

Gregson nodded and backed out, leaving him to his work. As his footsteps faded away, Blair rose to his feet, stretching tired muscles.

A little coffee from the pot he'd made a couple hours earlier revived him, chasing away the fuzzy sleepiness from his head. He stared through the windows, seeing the tops of trees and bits of blue sky. With his decisions to leave Jim be and to go on the research trip, he felt...disconnected. Wrong somehow.

He shook his head, firm in the plans he'd made. They're the right decisions. But...he still felt like he'd lost something. Or someone.

Jim.

A quote by Joseph Roux he'd come across years earlier flitted in and out of his mind.

"We call that person who has lost his father, an orphan; and a widower that man who has lost his wife. But that man who has known the immense unhappiness of losing a friend, by what name do we call him? Here every language is silent and holds its peace in impotence."

No. I haven't lost Jim. He...I...we just need time.

Sighing, he walked back to his desk and resettled himself in his chair. He glanced at his watch -- Time to call Dr. Igorivich. Brazil, here I come. His hand touched the receiver...

...and rested there a moment before he pulled away...

...body slumping backwards into his chair...

...hesitating.

Some voice in the back of his head that sounded remarkably like Jim asked him, "Are you sure?"

He answered out loud. "Yes, I'm sure. I need to do this. He needs me to do this."

The voice replied back. "Then you should do it."

"I--"

The door to his office suddenly banged open and he looked up, expecting to see another security officer or an early student. Or maybe even-- His eyes widened at the sight of his visitor.

"Alex."

She raised a black-gloved hand which held a gun. And pointed it at him. His hands rose automatically in a gesture of surrender. But her eyes...her eyes told him there would be no escape...and no rescue, not this time. Not ever again.

Guess I won't be going to Brazil after all. Sorry, Jim...and goodbye.

- The End -